photo_2020-04-07_08-56-57“Emptiness”; “Nothingness”, what fine words! They describe nothing, they are empty, yet so full that everyone likes to think they aspire to Emptiness and Nothingness. Except those tender souls on the emotional path to god who run for their lives when Emptiness knocks on the door. Yes, there are books on “Emptiness and Nothingness” within modern neo-advaita. There are gurus talking about it, their supporters and followers who sit at every satsang and inhale the holy odor of their guru’s feet, but there is no EMPTINESS, no NOTHINGNESS. We even made on-line satsangs; you know, I sit at home and my guru sits at his, and we both maintain the illusion of “emptiness” via Skype – yet the drama of enlightenment keeps unfolding. No one wants to awaken yet everyone likes to maintain the “drama of enlightenment.” Why?

Simple, because this holy drama gives us purpose. It’s about meaning and worth we gave to ourselves and our guru, which he also gave to himself.

This is the job I do, job of “awakening students”. And I find it hilarious. For me, it’s just a job, nothing more. I don’t see any meaning in it. Also, I work with one, let’s call him a guru for the sake of narrative, who also sees it as just a job, and finds it funny. Like me, he too often tells his own students (martyrs) “fuck this whole thing, fuck me, fuck holiness, teachings, even yourself”. And you know what? Nothing happens. We are all still here. Drama. Stage-play. Theatre. Roles. Actors. We applaud one another and admire the game. Is there any other point to the game apart from drama itself, apart from the show, tragedy or comedy, horror even? (also present in the drama of teaching.)

“Consciousness, which is awake and no longer accepts the drama, the show; which said “farewell” to the game” – is what everyone within guru-student drama acts to be doing. Usually, I like to ask a man whether he wants to fully awaken or to awaken within dream. After I give clarifications, the most common answer is “to be awake within dream”. No one wants to fully awaken. There are some, of course, but most want to be “awake within life / dream”, because clarifications give them a sense that they will be able to control life, and that life will regain its long-lost meaning. Then there are those who choose goal #1 “to be conscious and self-improved”. They don’t want to be awake or fully awakened. There are many explanations why they don’t, and they’re all wonderful. In this “game” of enlightenment the price is everything, even your wonderful relationship with the guru. You need to destroy that too. Guru is merely a means to an end whose aim is to awaken the consciousness within you, not giving a damn about you at the same time. For you are the obstacle. If you dare to embark on this goal, extreme pain is guaranteed.

That is why those who wish to fully awaken are so few. They don’t want to be spiritual or religious. They don’t give a fuck about the truths of sacred scriptures, tantric scriptures, sacred words of gurus. What they are interested in is waking up from the dream they are in; from the dream of spirituality, guru, student – even from the dream of awakening, for that is a dream too. They want the truth. Well, these guys are dangerous. If you happen to meet them, follow the advice Confucius gave his students in case they run into Lao Ce: cross the road, leave that place. Never ever ask them for advice, let alone ask them to be honest with you. That would prove more dangerous than any virus or even death itself. This I know well. Most of the time they will only laugh at such questions. I know, for I have done it. I laugh, make up a story and move on. But if you really are “awakening material”, you are in for trouble. They will cease listening your dramas or laments, and will quickly show you your place, and the place of your favorite local guru too. They lost something. What they lost is respect for the game, for drama, spirituality and religion, for you who don’t exist. All they are interested in is Consciousness in front of them, and it is this Consciousness they are talking to. If you know this, you might even make something of it.

If not, stay away from Full Awakening. When Nothing greets you, when you encounter Emptiness in the eyes of the guy in front of you, hell breaks loose. You will see that you have nothing, no value, meaning. I was lucky to run into a guru like this right from the start, and each new guru was the same. They destroyed every idea of path, spirituality, religion, sense, enlightenment, awakening, paradise, nirvana, etc. That’s just the beginning. People think enlightenment is the end. No, it’s only the beginning. Only after enlightenment it becomes clear just how much work is ahead of you and what you are dealing with. Your entire life becomes a merciless destruction of even the tiniest idea of meaning and value. Both your own and another’s.