One of the greatest obstacles in the Work is lying, but so are its siblings: fantasy, make-belief, imagination (both positive and negative), philosophizing, justifying, “knowledge” which is information rather than real, experienced knowledge, manipulation, etc. While working with people I meet lies, and other parts of human machine which are the pillars the lie uses to maintain itself, on daily basis.
Lying starts with ordinary, petty lie about yourself and your life. This is the smallest, weakest lie which isn’t that dangerous for Work, but it covers other, deeper and more dangerous lies. Man doesn’t know most of his lies. He cannot, for he had never studied them. And if he had, he would have realized that almost all that he “knows” is a mere lie.
This doesn’t mean that he is unable to say so called truth about something. He can, but what he thinks is truth is true only on the level of his awareness, a low level of awareness from which he doesn’t notice deeper levels and imagines that what he said is the truth with capital T. It isn’t. Answering truthfully regarding some question, like “where have you been”, has nothing to do with truth the Work speaks about. It is merely giving a description, retelling, stating a physical fact. When we speak about lies, we don’t mean this, but something much deeper. We speak about illusion.
Saying you are in love, or lying that you are, has nothing to do with truth and lies Work wise. Lying to someone, hiding something you don’t want them to find out, has nothing to do with truth and lies in the work. When the Works speaks about truth and lies it goes much deeper and these surface lies and truths are of no interest. Clearly, we must start somewhere, scratch some surface, so we start with these petty lies. If a man is not ready to start with these surface lies, he won’t be able nor willing to become aware of real lies, illusions and un-truths within himself.
Scratching the surface is just the beginning. Saying something you are afraid of saying, becoming aware of more true facts about yourself and stating them out loud when you see them – that is the beginning of work on sincerity. You lack sincerity. If you imagine otherwise you have already lied to yourself and thus prevented attaining a more sincere, a deeper level of consciousness than that of analytical consciousness you take to be consciousness. Analytical consciousness is simply a term concerning mind’s ability of analysis, not consciousness. This is the part of the mind man uses on daily basis, one which he is proud of, one by which he resolves complicated tasks, lives with. It is not even consciousness per se but an ability of the mind to resolve or discriminate, share or verbalize something analytically by way of memory, associations, experience, connecting things. This is the cognitive faculty of the mind and has nothing to do with gnosis or self-realization.
When you are speaking the truth, you are merely expressing that which hides in the analytical mind. You have not even scratched those deeper layers you call “subconscious”. Sense awareness is a mere fragment of consciousness, an insignificant part of it. Sense awareness is a part on which analytical consciousness, or mind, leans on. Seeing a white car and deducting analytically that this is a white car does not mean being conscious of the car. Being conscious of something implies many other parts that remain hidden to man. A belief about that white car is a belief, not the truth. Expressing a belief doesn’t mean expressing the truth, but simply, expressing a belief. Expressing a belief that you hold means knowing, right from the start, that the belief is a lie.
This doesn’t mean seeing the lie of that belief, although seeing that it’s a belief and that each belief is a lie is already the beginning of seeking the truth about oneself, the beginning of sincerity. Seeing a belief, for example the belief that women are bad drivers is the starting point, nothing more. Knowing that it is false by the very fact that it’s a belief, means scratching the surface of seeking the truth. The search for the truth within that belief – knowing the difference between seeking the truth within a belief and seeking the truth or learning to be more sincere is important – means internal investigation. It means investigating why you hold that belief; what is it based on, on which memories, associations; what is its connection with other beliefs; what is its structure; its objective trueness or subjectivity; the likes and dislikes involves, etc. Investigating all of this about a single belief will create series of pages in your journal, and you have only scratched the surface. You haven’t accomplished anything of importance.
The belief that man is sincere and true is the same as the belief that man is conscious. Man is neither sincere, nor true, nor conscious. And this is the starting truth, the starting point in the search for the truth and learning sincerity.
Actually, neither this is true, but it goes to show that “actually” is simply a word by which you mask the lie and that in actuality you don’t know the “actuality” or anything. An indispensable part of learning sincerity is becoming aware of the words, meanings, their value, their usage, the mechanicalness of speech and blurting out a bunch of words.
Work on sincerity, it never occurred to you, did it? And this is an indispensable part of the work. This work starts for the fact that you have perhaps only 2 or 3 percent of POSSIBLE sincerity. And the question is – how sincere am I within these possible 2 percent?
Am I 100% sincere within these 2%? You realize that man doesn’t even use the full potential of these 2% of sincerity he might possess. I’m saying that man is only 2% of possible sincerity and 98% of lie. How can anyone believe you anything? When we say we don’t believe you, we say it based on this observation. We simply don’t believe what you say for we know what you say is NOT truth but a belief, conviction, opinion, likes and dislikes, fear, impotence, pain, suffering – and all of these are a lie since they are based on the subjective 2 or 3 % of consciousness you have, i.e. the analytical, sensory mind. Subjectivity is not objectivity; therefore, subjectivity is a lie, an illusion. Objectivity is the truth. You might be more or less subjective, more or less objective. A subjective man’s truth doesn’t exist in the way he imagines. His truth would be that – he is a lie, an illusion, a dream. Owing to this, all that he knows, thinks, feels – is a lie, illusion, a dream. This is the truth about subjective man.
If you had a few experiences when women in front of you were not driving very well and you formed a conviction based on that – provided you have not, as we usually do, simply accepted that conviction – it means that you have convicted all other women by this conviction. Simply because of a few women driving in front or beside you. Now, what does it mean that they are “bad drivers”? What is your reference point for comparison? You? Someone else? Their sense of orientation? Their sense of space, changing gears, pressing gas, attention, minding the signs, etc. On what basis do you form conclusion and hold this belief?
The truth is brutal, say those who live the lie. If you are the basis for comparison, what have you compared yourself against? Based on what have you put your measure against others?
Obviously, on the basis of a subjective belief that you are a good driver, that you mind the signs, have good orientation, and all this it in optimal proportions. Not so? Aren’t you always attentive, remember all the signs? Or do you sometimes overlook them because you just spotted a nice piece of ass, meaning that you are not attentive and get easily distracted? Did you just justify this? Great, it means you are lying, you are afraid of being guilty and wrong.
The truth is a blade cutting through the veil of lies, illusion, dream. Not of the dream you are living in, for that would imply that you can be any different, which you can’t. It means that you are the lie, illusion, dream. We don’t have lies, illusion, dream, we are lies, illusion, dream.
Are you feeling this?
No? Then you aren’t sincere enough, you haven’t scratched hard enough. When you feel it, when you get nauseous, feel the pain, when you become sick of “yourself”; sick of your lies, illusions, dreams, your smoke and mirrors show – then will you have scratched the surface a bit. One or two percent perhaps, of the next step of sincerity and truth.
While I was with my Master, he gave me the task of being brutally honest for five days. With everyone, everywhere, in every moment. It was interesting, also very painful, terrible and sickening. My parents weren’t talking to me for a year after that, I almost got kicked out of my home, the so-called friends who knew about the task tried desperately not to be around me during those five days. Others, who weren’t able to run away since we were living in the same apartment, kept quiet, didn’t ask me anything, didn’t talk among themselves while I was near.
I was brutally honest with my surroundings, people at work, friends, parents. It is as if something was making them ask me things they have never asked before. Better yet, some dared (for they didn’t know about the task) to ask me what I thought of them. There is pain about what you have to say, then there is the prize. Pain because another human being in front of you, through no fault of their own, gets hurt. Wonderful. You wanted honesty, truth, right?
You need to remind yourself of it, and you often wonder WHY?
After days later he asked me how the task went, and I told him I have failed. When he asked me to explain I told him that while what I said was truth in some moment, after I said it out loud, I realized that there is a deeper truth. After I verbalized that truth too, I realized that again, there is a deeper truth. It goes without saying that to others this seemed like peeling layers of them. Therefore, I have failed in my assignment. Which for me at the time meant leaving the Work, i.e. getting expelled.
But my Master said that this was in fact the goal of my assignment. He knew that I was unable to tell the truth because I don’t know it, and that saying the truth was not the goal. The goal was seeing the amount of lies for which I thought was the truth. Seeing that I don’t know, cannot know, don’t want to know the truth; that I don’t want to be sincere nor do I know. That I must learn, conquer each percent of sincerity, and to do that, I need to be completely honest with that tiny percent of sincerity available to me.
A single text is unable to transmit what it means to work on sincerity or what sincerity really is. It can point in the right direction, and a broad one for that matter, that is all. The starting point is that you don’t know the truth, you don’t want to know. After that, if something which does want it remains, you have something to work with. Saying a certain truth, like telling your acquaintance the truth that you don’t want to grab a drink with them because you feel uncomfortable around them, that you want to be alone or prefer some other company – does not mean being sincere form the point of the Work.
This is nothing but ordinary, human “honesty” and it’s not really honesty but boldness to say what you feel regardless if it’s the truth or not. Seeing what part in it is true is the start of working on sincerity. Seeing why you are not comfortable around this person; why you don’t want to grab a drink with them, why you want to be alone, or with a more pleasant person; seeing what this “I don’t want to” consist of. When you look into that “don’t want to” you realize that it has nothing to do with that person but with your projections; with your inability to tolerate them and their story; with your feeling that they aren’t your friend; with realizing they only want some new info about you to use behind your back; with the feeling of pain after realizing others know what you told this person; the feeling that you need to hide info from them; with your disgust by this type of man; with the feeling of being disgusted by them personally; with your aggression toward them; with realizing where this aggression is coming from, etc.
You really want to work on sincerity? If you said yes, are you sure you are not lying to yourself? Never have I ever met a man who wanted, aimed for, desired to work on sincerity. Even though I have met people who work on sincerity. Not because they wanted to, but for whole other reasons.
There are people in the Work who are afraid to give more sincere reply to your question, they don’t want to, they lie, evade, deceive, philosophize, throw catchphrases and convictions at you, which is a sign that they lie when they say they are working on themselves. Their place is not by your side. Here I mean a simple, silly honesty, nothing drastic. For example, if he is afraid to say that he “didn’t want to stop by” and is being evasive and deceiving about the matter, you can’t expect anything from such a man. He doesn’t even understand the basics of the Work, let alone wants to work on himself. He merely wants to feel safe and protected and is feeding a self-image of a “man in the work”, or of a “spiritual man”.
If you dare to say to some significant person in your life how you really feel about them, knowing that this isn’t some grand truth but a little bit of sincerity – and accept their reaction, there is some hope for you, perhaps. I know what this looks like. It’s very painful, terrible, powerless. Then come all the projections like “what will happen next”, “how will it end up”, how all prospects of this person ever helping you are ruined etc. You thought you had balls, boldness, honesty? No, you don’t. Welcome aboard.
By investigating, studying yourself and the part of self which relates to sincerity, starts the ordeal of the work. What you say will be tested in various ways. We don’t expect from a man who had just started with the Work to be sincere. On the contrary, we know that he lies and that he is fake. What he wants is some benefit regarding the part of him we call self-image, which is a complete lie. If you are able to see this, then you know your enemy, the demon you are fighting. What is this demon? Should we call it ego? Ah, please. Entering this means descending into lowest level of hell called self-confrontation, which makes what you think of as “ego” a pretty nice guy in comparison. You have no idea what ego is even though you boastfully talk about it and put others down for having it. You can’t see the beam in your eye but you see the speck in your brother’s.
Honesty with others is not the issue. Feel free to lie. What else does a lie expect to hear from you but a confirmation of itself, a confirmation of lie. Lie, twist the truth, manipulate, evade, deceive. The issue is you. Lying to yourself is the issue. Especially once you start to work on yourself.
We find it amusing when you say you are spiritual because we know you’re lying. We can dissect this truth to the point of your mind stopping from the pain. Because we have seen all this lie within ourselves and we don’t believe it. Why do you think we will believe you? Knowing that you haven’t even touched the lie of yourself, that you haven’t even looked in that direction? We are not interested in the truth about you, or should I say, the lie about you. That needs to interest you. It is in your interest, in the interest of your maturation, growth and development, conquering and crystalizing consciousness. Being honest not to us, but to yourself. As we say – your ass is on the line.
There is one important thing in working on sincerity and though I was reluctant to tell you I will give you one tiny bit. It’s about brutality. Being sincere doesn’t mean being brutal, a sadist or aggressive. You confuse these things. Which goes to show that you don’t see the part from which you say that “you don’t want to grab a drink with that man.” Never ever has it been asked of anyone – save for some specific work – to be honest with anyone who isn’t a part of your group, of your Work. If you are trying to hurt someone with so called sincerity it isn’t really sincerity but revenge, sadism, aggression. Sincerity is always regarding yourself, not regarding others. They are merely a shadow in your consciousness, a reflection helping you to get to know yourself. Failing to see this aggression, sadism, madness within and being so called sincere is worse than not trying to be sincere. A man who aims to be sincere sees his aggression, sadism, hate, attack, wish to hurt another, he can’t hide it from himself.
If he doesn’t, he is not sincere, nor can he see the truth within him. Obviously, expressing a statement which is truer requires learning how to do it, how verbalize it, say it. Man can tell the truth in a very emotional way without even hurting another, because he doesn’t judge another if he says something about him. He speaks about some trait of his, not of him personally. Just as he doesn’t judge himself for having a certain trait he is talking about more sincerely. My master never judged me, even though he had said some very brutal things about me, about my traits and mechanisms which I didn’t see or knew that I have. Sadism for example. This was a shock for me, when he told me that one of my actions had been pure sadism.
Back that I didn’t see it that say, but later, after I questioned it, I realized he was right. It was sadism, there was a wish to hurt the other person out of revenge, pain, impotence, suffering I had to go through because of them. Sadism is always followed by aggression, the wish to destroy the other person, putting oneself above the other, by arrogance, conceitedness. And each part is followed by a series of other parts man doesn’t even notice most of the time.
Your reaction is yours only and has nothing to do with another person, even if you notice that this man had hurt you sadistically. It has nothing to do with him. It is yours. No one and no thing can hurt you unless it was already there in you.
Your job is to step back, check the trueness of what you heard from them, look inside to see if there is anything like that within you or not. And to check the condition of that man, since most things are said out of pain, impotence, self-protection, and often this has nothing to do with you. If you are working on sincerity with others then they are your help, they help you to be more sincere. By “they” I mean the people from your group, not others around you. Don’t pay too much attention on them, although they can be useful if you know how to use them. The ones with whom you work on sincerity put their time and effort in you and you need to be thankful to them. Obviously, in the beginning you will hate them for afflicting you with pain and because you forget why you aim to be more sincere. But you need to remember – no one is obliged to help you. No one and no thing. It is their good will to be a part of your work. Also, they might not know how to ask, they too are learning how to ask a question. Apart from the one who is asked and his honesty, it is also important to learn how to ask questions, how to approach a man, how to avoid his defense mechanisms. Just like you, they too make mistakes, for they are learning. Learning is a series of mistakes and attempts until you succeed.
You must learn how to betray that “self” you think you are. You must betray it aiming to know the real self. The former is the obstacle, it’s what holds you down, your prison. In this process the aid from others is important and necessary. You can’t do this on your own. What you think is you is your true enemy and it is him you must betray, forsake, see through his actions, and this is possible only if you are honest with yourself. Although, sometimes I wonder – which self? But ok, it’s just an expression.
All that you know of yourself is not truth. The most honest thing you can say about knowing yourself, others, the world is I DON’T KNOW. Because you really don’t know. All that you have are beliefs, attitudes, opinions, concepts, ideas, but not knowledge and the truth about those matters. On the level we are at truth is saying what is not true. The truth is – nothing is the truth. This is the awakened man. And why it is said that you get to truth by way of negation. In the end, all that you can say about the Truth (don’t mix it with sincerity for it is not the same thing) is that nothing is The Truth. Literally, NOTHING. And that’s the truth.
Work on sincerity, long after you started working, comes to the moment when you know that all you know about yourself, others, the world, god, universe IS NOT THE TRUTH. Then you will FEEL the real I DON’T KNOW. I say “feel”, not think, believe, hold a conviction, a concept. But KNOW. Knowledge of truth is knowing that nothing is the truth. With this knowledge you will enter yourself and your self-study more deeply.
If you know this now, even if you believe us when we tell you, we have a nice springboard for you. There is an “image of Truth” on which we base our ignorance of truth and it helps us to become aware of our self, our lie, illusion, fantasy, negative emotions, concepts, ideas, convictions, attitudes etc. We know that “it is not the truth”, as an information. If you are working on sincerity, this is your springboard. Now, this need to enter you. Very deep. It needs to become very stable. NOTHING IS THE TRUTH, by which, all that you know about yourself, others, all that you think, feel, have a conviction – IS NOT THE TRUTH but a lie, an illusion.
This will give you strength and energy to become aware of your illusions, lies, dreams. It will give you daring, if you use it, to know yourself. That false self which is impersonating you.
“Every day in every way”.. What a wonderful illusion, yet.. You make the effort to see something within yourself, to see the illusion you have of self or others, spirituality, god, devil, whatever. Every day. Inch by inch. Percentages of truth are won the hard way. De-identification from self, hurts. It’s the most painful thing imaginable. All other pains are but a shadow of this one. But this is the price. Now you understand why no one is willing to pay it. Defining oneself means telling a lie about oneself. Defining anything means accepting a lie. When you start investigating lies, which is the true name of “learning sincerity”, you will soon find yourself in an ocean of lies. In every moment you will try to find even a speck of truth, a tiny winy bit. You will never find it. And the truth will set you free. (a contradictory statement, on the first glance at least) The truth sets you free for the Truth is that all is a lie, an illusion, a dream within you, a dream around you, and you yourself, us included.