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stilldreamingThe basic aim of each man is to be in a balanced state. No matter how one imagines balance and what it means to him, each man seeks it. This aim for balance comes from the forces which create the entire universe, man included, and from the intention, the central aim to restore the primeval balance which existed before the very impulse for creation, expression, manifestation. Every force aims for its own balance or the balance of sub-forces within a certain force or guna. In the manifestation of forces, while they are working together i.e. while being driven by their natures, each force oversees a certain aspect of creation. Each force provides a certain state or sub-state while the latter two use the state of the former. In other words, all three forces use the products of one another; they use the aspects of each force in their own work.

Man is a complex structure of forces and minds. His five minds which are united in the so-called mind – intellectual, vital, physical, instinctual and sexual mind – can be represented as the three gunas of each mind in a specific schemes of operation and on specific levels of operation. Each mind has its sub-minds and each sub-mind has its own three sub-minds. Within each division there are three forces or gunas which create or enable the work and operation of every part of the mind and its sub-parts. The so-called consciousness called the mind is operational because each part of the minds is participating in the common work, in the combination, the core expression or common interest within the organism. And yet, each mind and its sub-parts aim for their own interest and for imposing it to the whole structure – to man as the central manifestation of mind, body and soul. What holds the minds together, what enables the core manifestation to exist, could be called a sub-program, a program, samskara, karmic expression and the like. This is what gives the core expression within one mind or man, and on the surface it appears that every mind or sub-mind is working for the common goal of mans wholeness. The level of development of this core expression, the level of its maturation, is questionable, but with each of its minds appearing to cooperate with the core expression all is in line with the whole.

That is to say, the whole and the parts are aligned. Let’s not get into the whys and wherefores of their alignment, of how the internal evolution fits into all of this, whether there is a better way etc. – the point is, they are in alignment. If we aim for something, for ex. the internal evolution, these minds fall out of alignment on the level they are manifested, or the level that they are manifesting. The minds get in conflict over the new ideas, the environment, over the so called spiritual and worldly interests. They fall out of the alignment or balance and get into conflict. Conflict is a characteristic of two or more diverse aims within man, or within environment, others; between the goals of life and goals of internal aim etc. Conflict doesn’t exist in the unified state, the state of balance. Conflict reflects the nature of the gunas that have fallen out of balance and are seeking to restore this balance. Gunas don’t know what is “spiritual”, what is physical, what is of the mind and the intellect, and what not. They know only balance and disbalance through the aspect which the guna itself represents within its trinity. On the other hand, balance can also appear due to domination of a certain guna, or a combination of certain gunas, of the three gunas of a single mind, or even a sub-mind.

I won’t get into this right now. Just remember that conflict exists because gunas aim for balance, and they can achieve balance in several ways. Also, remember that when talking about man and his minds there are several lines of triads of gunas in each mind, sub-mind and sub-sub mind. Then remember that the goal you aspire to, what you wish to achieve – brings in a new disbalance within the minds and makes a whole new whole, a whole new triad of gunas. In this new triad each guna aims to express its own nature and to be the balancing one. This new expression of the gunas changes nothing within the status quo save that it brings new disbalance called “the goal”, aim, intention, achievement, satisfaction, fulfillment of wish. Each of these three new gunas in the new triad carries its characteristics and each characteristic has its own gunas and sub-gunas that aim to amplify this characteristic and make it the dominant one among others. We may call it biological, mental, psychic, vital or another characteristic. This is the cause of conflict within man. Up until one triad of the gunas, i.e. one guna, becomes dominant and restores the balance, there is conflict and chaos.

Now is a good time to ask yourself – do I even exist? Or is it all an expression of gunas, forces, chemical reactions, desires and the like? Forget about the idea of spirituality, the idea of materiality, of mentality. All of those are gunas. Therefore, do you even exist? Each manifestation is a manifestation of the three gunas of a certain level, and each of them aims for domination and the newly created balance. Even the feeling of “I” or the feeling of existence is a manifestation of the gunas. NOTHING EXISTS OUTSIDE OF the manifestation of the gunas or forces, NOTHING. Once again, do you exist?

Inquiring into this may result in a balance which is called chaos: madness, illness, misfortune, death. Inquiring your own existence means that you are prepared for an unfavorable result, unfavorable in the sense that it is not in line with your projection about what is favorable. Unstable people are the ones most attracted to this kind of investigation. Which is interesting. If you think yourself as stable, you are wrong. A stable man doesn’t investigate, doesn’t search, for he is STABLE, in balance. He is content with the status quo and doesn’t aim for the quest but seeks to maintain this balance, no matter what kind of balance it may be. Every quest is an expression of instability. Therefore, a spiritual seeker is an unstable man, and if on top of that he is also emotionally or psychologically unstable, and if this gains supremacy within his core expression – madness and death are guaranteed.

Ideas of the teaching, techniques, advice and pointers aim to bring an imaginary, false stability to an unstable organization, to an unstable core expression. Which means that bringing certain ideas of a higher order (spiritual ideas) aims to focus the gunas which will carry the main weight of stability (be the main pillars) by which the core expression will appear to be stable. It will be seemingly oriented around something and the domination of this orientation will enable a relatively safe instability, an instability which will not be life threatening to the seeker. The higher the idea and the more effort we put into achieving it, the more stable we are. Imposing a certain triad to the status quo and directing you at this triad levels out other gunas or forces within you so you move in a certain direction. Of course, each of us has examples of the opposite, when a desire takes over us and makes us get off course, at least for a while. This means that your conscious focus on the new triad had weakened and the status quo pulled you into the direction it wants to go – as opposed to the direction you had set for yourself. If you have even a small insight into all of this than you know what’s going on and why. And again, the question remains the same.

Where are you in all of this? Do you exist? Better yet, what is that within you which poses as you, as the feeling of “I”?

Anyone with a grain of salt will see the answer presenting itself. The gunas give you the feeling of you. The feeling of “I” without characteristics, the feeling of existence is sattva guna. The feeling that you are doing something, acting, working, is rajah guna. The feeling that you are that which you had done, that you are happy, successful, that you have something because it’s yours is tamah guna. Where are you in all of this? You get identified with a desire, an intention, an act, a feeling which isn’t yours. Those are gunas, forces; the operating, binding factors of gunas; qualities of gunas, the nature of gunas or forces. When an intention of writing a text like this appears in you – it is the gunas that have reorganized; they are giving you a feeling of I, a feeling of wanting to write something and in the end, a feeling that you wrote it. It is not you, not me, it is not mine.

We can take it to the next level. All of it is God, Brahma, Shiva, Shakti, the Operating force of God, Parama Purusha etc. We can paint it in idyllic spiritual imagery. It is God working through the instruments He himself had created as His operating power, force, operating beauty; it is Him working through his operating imprisonment in which he had imprisoned himself, in which he embellished, expressed, manifested himself. From where did you get the idea that it is you?

Yes, well, “I am God in my nature” you will say. No ladies and gents, you are gunas in your nature, an operating part of God but not God himself. Even if you enter Emptiness, or what you conceive Emptiness to be – for I won’t be scattering this illusion – it is still not you. If you say that you are Emptiness, it is the gunas who have said it. Emptiness doesn’t know itself as Emptiness without the gunas operating in the background. Only they – as the operative factor, cognitive factor – are able to give the impression, knowledge, feeling that you are this Emptiness. I won’t tell you what Emptiness is, that there are various dimensions and levels of it, that one man’s Emptiness is not the Emptiness of another – yet they feel it in the same way for THE SAME GUNAS are behind their feelings, the gunas provide the SAME FEELING to everyone.

Krishna tells you that all is Him. Shiva tells you that all of that is him, but Shiva senior says that it is all Brahman. Buddha says all is Emptiness. Jesus tells you all of it is His Father etc. All of them are saying the same thing – IT IS NOT YOU. You only harbor the illusion that it is you, the illusion created by Mother Mahashakti, Parashakti, the ultimate Force of the universe which operates through the gunas as her expression. Or, as I have been told during my apprentice years: “Relax, the Universe (God) doesn’t even know you exist.” What I wrote here I wrote in the negational approach and I can say the same thing in the affirmational way too, as well as through the third one, the balancing approach. It’s all the same to me (it is the same). Or in the terms of advaita, I can say it through neti-neti approach (negation) or iti-iti approach (affirmation), or by both being present and absent i.e. through the balanced way.  For me, God can be affirmation, negation and none of the above. Yet each approach, each God or the way of apprehending Him has its own price. You must choose your approach, yours seemingly at least. For it is not you, it is the Foundational substance of the Universe called consciousness, nature, Force, Shakti, Brahman, hammer and sickle, it’s all the same.

It is IT acting, it is IT living, feeling that it is you. Esoteric Christianity will say that the moment of your internal death as a man, the moment of complete transformation and transcendence, is in fact the birth of God. God is being born in himself and apprehends that it is Him. It is not you. It is Him, Her, It. It’s all the same however you call it, up until you start waging wars over the term. Even then it’s all the same. When God is born man dies.

It’s interesting that you can extract no benefit, no personal value for yourself, if you understood this. Only if the sickness bearing your name had prevailed will you get any significance or value, but that is sickness, it’s not you.

Many come to me or to someone else, saying they want enlightenment, awakening, awakeness, and clearly, they have no idea what they want. Luckily. Knowing what it is and at the same time wanting it, is impossible. If you assume what it is then this desire is a first-rate self-destruction, a first-rate aggression on the Absolute. That’s why most get ill, hurt, go through rock and a hard place. You cannot want something in which there is no you. You have an illusion about God, enlightenment, awakening, paradise, unification. You have no idea what it means and that’s why you want it.

Sometimes we’ll say it’s your soul’s desire, a desire of your psychic being, and you will feel wonderful. You will think that you accomplished your spiritual purpose. Wonderful. Pay the piper and be on your way. If, by some chance, you stay with us we give you value, significance; we pep talk you into becoming someone and something, an awake being, an awakened person, or whatever, to trick you, to fool you – your survival being our aim too.

You remember, I tell you how the goal is to make you stable beforehand; the goal is to purify you, cleanse, create consciousness untouched by any process of nature (gunas, forces); that you must become aware of “your” Purusha, “your” Primal Nature. Then you go on talking about One, about the omnipresent self, about your Emptiness and I (or we) nod in agreement, we say how wonderful this experience is – pointing out that it’s merely an EXPERIENCE – and that now it needs to be made concrete, brought down etc. You grin thinking you have God by the balls, while I, or we, keep smiling and we all “had our cake and ate it too”. This is what you experience in front of me, in front of us. If I am in the mood to prove you that you have experienced nothing but a wonderful projection you go home in low spirits since my aim was to arouse your critical consciousness, a more conscious state, death of an illusion or what not.

Being shown you are nothing and nobody is a terrible thing. You are dying. When in fact you ought to rejoice, for we have shown you, I have shown you, your true nature. Some come as vegetarians, vegans, breatharians and face their own insignificance when they stand in front of us, me. Some I force to eat meat, drink alcohol, smoke, have sex just to show that you are not anything. If you understand what I wrote you realize how insignificant all these things are. And just how much of a nobody you are. If you get depressed because of it, you missed the point of the lesson. If you are joyful, you are close, provided that the joy is not yours, is not you. It happens for who knows what. If you feel desperation you are close to enlightenment, if you say I am desperate for saying this you are miles away from yourself and your illusion of enlightenment. I still know that it is not you. It’s just your Shauma (shampoo commercial). You may also call it “shaumbra”, the so-called symptoms of awakening. A symptom of awakening is the dying out of all meanings, your shaumbra symptom included. If you think that this is it, you are gravely mistaken for you have only embellished your symptom of madness by giving it such a label. But, it’s not you, it’s your Shauma.

Well then, remaining CONSTANT, BALANCED, CENTERED, STABLE behind these kind of insights – that is an accomplishment. Even though it’s not “yours”, it’s still an accomplishment. Seeing the prison, illusion, dream, program, hologram or whatever and remaining constant behind it while knowing it is not yours but God’s, Brahma’s, Shiva’s, Emptiness’s or whoever’s – that is ladies and gentlemen – constancy. An accomplishment which is not yours, of course, but which expresses through this body, this mind, psychic being, conscious, awake, enlightened being, whatever. Then you know what the Great Masters were saying. Then you may eat meat, for you are not spiritual. You may have sex for you are not spiritual. You may jump out of a parachute for you are not spiritual, it is not you. You can die since you are not it.

Remember, you seek to see things as they are, you aim for the objective (the awakened, awake) seeing, don’t you? Well see it for what it is, not what you want it to be.

One more thing, for those who are always ready to jump into the abyss. Advice from the sacred scriptures, from supreme Masters and ancient teachings are something you need to understand, fathom deeply and by yourself, and live it. Their aim is “harm reduction” of the objective seeing, i.e. for you to survive it. Seeing God In everything. Seeing that it’s all a manifestation of His Force, the Mother, Shaktii. Seeing that only Emptiness is real. Knowing (for it is the same as seeing) that it’s all Brahma, God. Knowing, Seeing that it’s all an expression of consciousness and its operating force, awareness. Knowing, Seeing, that all is God’s Will. Knowing that it is not you and that you are the one who knows, sees and similar tips are something you need to implant deeply within yourself. Having an idea, a concept, an attitude and LIVING by it is what will get you through this process in one piece, more or less. You can Know, See, that it’s all God and live for him; let him live through this body, this mind, this self-awareness, this is great. Let it all fall apart, finally capitulate in front of Him, Her, It, great.

To smile to the abyss of Emptiness, Nothingness (even though that may be anything according to your level) and to exchange looks with it, that takes guts, it takes daring. It’s wonderful to talk about guts, but before you throw a glance at the abyss of Emptiness and say “boo” you need to discard all projections, values and in the end, the one who had come to this. Then, when you look at the Emptiness and understand that THIS EMPTINESS IS YOU YOURSELF, but that you are not that Emptiness, say – boo – and scare it off. You may even call this Emptiness or Nothingness “God”. It’s all the same to Him, or Her. All is the same.

You have no value or significance or meaning; you have no thoughts of your own, no emotions, movements, sexuality, instinct. You have no accomplishment, no God, no feeling of “I”, no feeling of existence, no awareness, no consciousness. You don’t even have the “not having”. It, He, Her, has value, significance, meaning, has its thoughts, emotions, movements, sexuality, instinct. It has self-accomplishment, it has itself for a God, has the feeling of “I”, the feeling of existence, awareness, consciousness; it has the “having”. Neither does the It / God / Force have value, nor does it not; neither does it have significance nor does it not; it has neither meaning nor meaninglessness, neither does it have thought nor does it not. It / God / Force has and doesn’t have value; has and doesn’t have meaning; has and doesn’t have significance; has and doesn’t have accomplishment, has and doesn’t have God; has and doesn’t have the feeling of “I”. It taps with It. It is It to It. It is Man to It. It is God to It. It is Love to It. It is Truth to It. It is Gnosis (Knowledge) to It. It is Bliss to It. It is to It as That which It is to Itself.

Then, Love has love, not you. Truth has Truth, not you. Bliss is to Bliss, not to you. God is to God, not to you. Emptiness to Emptiness, not to you. Then, God, Absolute, It, is its own father, mother, grandfather and grand-grandfather and the soap opera is complete. It originates from itself and returns to itself. It seeks itself and finds itself, by itself. It thinks to itself, feels to itself, walks to itself, prays to itself, finds itself. But we – the illusion of the gunas giving us the feeling of “us” – are not there. It’s all Him, It, Absolute and in the end, Knowledge is affirmational. And when everything quiets down, returns to itself, remains the Third or the Primal, the Primal Neutralization, the Zero (do not confuse this with Emptiness). The State before creation, the State as the resolution of creation. And all of this goes on in this body, this mind, this person, this “I”, this existence, this awareness, this consciousness. This one who is reading, writing about it – BY ITSELF – if you like; in the Absolute, God, the Force, the Ultimate, the Unknown. All of it is a play of Him, Her, It, without any idea of Him, Her, It. With this insight something happens. Some kind of a Big Bang, much deeper, much greater, different, yet the same.

Personally, I never wanted to know this, not even in my wildest projection about enlightenment, awakening, realization, liberation. And I know you don’t want it either. I don’t want to get into details now, how it looks in each mind, in the levels of the soul, the psychic being etc.; how it happens, what happens and why. But self-realization, enlightenment won’t get you anything. Nothing will change. Thoughts, associations, body, mind, life, others, universe – won’t disappear. You will still have to pay your rent, unless you don’t want to; gunas, samskaras, karma will keep doing their job regardless. You will still have the dream and keep dreaming but that which is enlightened will know it is a dream and that it is dreaming. Sometimes it will be in conflict with the dream, sometimes it won’t, depending on the current position of consciousness. Your wife will still have an affair, you will have your own; your kids won’t pay you any heed; the government will still be in its place and of course, no one will know what you know. But you’ll have no desire to tell them because you will see it all for what it is.

You will nod in agreement when they tell you they want to awaken, to be awake; you will give them techniques, advice, value, significance. Maybe you will want to take part in all of that, in their projects; play the role of a partner, a lover, a businessman, a guru, a student. All the same. But really, IT’s ALL the same. They will say that they want what you have, just like I have told my Master, and I take it you will smile at the idea just as he did, for you will know who had said it and what is it that dreams about it. All will remain the same but, fuck it, awakened. And that which is awakened is NOT YOU. That is IT awakened as You, without significance and value, simply as it is.

Let me stop right here for I might play with this till the cows come home, and I have a rent to pay, a house to build, a lunch to cook, a present to buy, a text to finish, a head to nod. I have to smile, be enlightened, be naive; I have a dog to take for a walk (although I wonder who is taking whom); a neighbor’s kid to caress and say how I don’t like kids or how I can’t have kids cause I’m sterile; a broad to tell how pretty she is, homosexuals to judge, government to support, evil to condemn, a dead cow stake to eat, vegans and vegetarians to support, Big Pharma to judge, a conspiracy theory to support etc., etc.

Do it all the enlightened way.

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