No matter how experienced we may be at something we always make mistakes in the beginning, either from needing to prove that we’re ready or from wishing to help someone. A mistake is a mistake and it is not a punishment. It is a means of learning but not a means of self-justification. Some mistakes cost us more than others, some may cost a smile, for some the price is remorse, while some destroy the possibility of evolution. And yet it’s wrong to see mistake as a punishment. It is not a punishment but a natural reaction of a number of Laws that surround us, a number of Forces and their workings within the whole of human evolution – which considers more than a single life time.
Back in the day, these days as well, I had quite a few mistakes, but neither did I regard them as punishment nor did I felt wrongness (not guilt). For some of them I paid the “price” momentarily, for some I paid a bit later. In some cases the price was paid by the one opposite me.
Now, when I am able to connect the workings of a series of forces and laws, up to a certain point – I can say that a mistake is always mutual, both sides are taking part in it. This is because forces always work according to the basic law of the universe – the law of duality, which states that everything comes in a dual form, the very existence of the universe requires the one witnessing this existence. In other words, you and the one opposite from you are one and the same.
Of course, understanding this requires long and hard Work.
Every few years certain parts of teachings, even entire teachings appear – manipulations I might say, since a teaching is an intelligent manipulation with a specific, mostly positive aim – as if operating according to some bio rhythm: appearing at the crest of a wave, descending, then disappearing, appearing again, and so on, in a certain rhythm of the Law of Time. From time to time, and always in line with this vibrational rhythm – which is controlled by a series of spheres above us, most of all the Sun’s rhythm – parts or whole teachings, or false teachings appear, wherein certain people play about with various manifestations of energy i.e. with various energetic practices having various goals which are not necessarily positively or affirmatively oriented – although they may appear that way. These are parts of the teachings, or whole teachings, which influence the evolution of students, followers, believers or newbies (the ones always taking notes, quoting, yet never really becoming students), through a Teacher or a Master, or someone presenting themselves as such. By this I mean a direct influence on a seeker (I won’t be making distinctions between students, followers, etc.) with various techniques, with aids given to a seeker who had encountered a certain obstacle and is being helped in overcoming it. One of those means is what many call Shaktiipat, literally translated as the “the touch of energy”, “the touch of Force”. By “Force” I mean the Effective part of the Absolute, which is the very meaning of Shaktii when translated. Shaktii isn’t just energy, it is the Force which contains a number of vibrations, a number of spheres of manifestation, and yet it is Consciousness itself in manifestation.
This part eludes those who consider “Shaktii” as energy, prana, cosmic energy. As long as you are aware of the arousal of movement which someone had called Shaktii – it is not Shaktiipat. In Shaktiipat, or the touch of the Force, you are this Force and there is no difference between you and the movement of this force. In case you are feeling various effects of movement during the “touch” of Shaktii, and you are observing them it is but a partial moving of prana which is changing its flow – something any decent energy healer can do and for which you don’t need a guru. It is not a true “touch of Force”. In a true “touch of Force” you are this Force which is moving, and oftentimes you lose the awareness of yourself in the way you’re having it now; you cannot observe the movement of Force; you cannot witness anything – which is what I meant when I said that Shaktii is also Consciousness. Yet, in order to understand this in full, you’d have to understand the laws of Manifestation, those of movement of Consciousness and Nature (energy) or Shiva and Shaktii. In a true “touch of Force” you are momentarily changed, for the foundation of you is the Force, Shaktii.
To get back to our subject, back in the day I asked my ex Master for Shaktiipat and, of course, he wouldn’t give it to me. Even though I was ready to withstand the sheer power of awakening the Force, I did not get it. I got it a few years later, in a most unexpected place, but that’s beside the point. His explanation for not giving it to me was that I was able to experience all I needed on my own and that I didn’t need the “touch of Force” since I can overcome all obstacles by myself. It is said that Shaktiipat is transmission of energy from Master to Student aimed at awakening Shaktii. This is where misunderstanding starts. It is not energy, it is not about awakening a mystical energy at the base of the spine or at the place where it is stuck, although this too happens. Shaktiipat is a transmission of a Master’s consciousness, which is one and the same with the Student’s consciousness, and re-directing its course towards unification; or reaching a specific goal for the Student; crossing some obstacle; giving an extra boost of motivation. Now, there are various levels of shaktiipat and the play between Master and Student is usually on the lower level of this flow. Honestly, there are many manipulators operating “under the umbrella” of Shaktiipat surrounding us. Those manipulators usually work with energy, prana, the so called chakras, but not with “transmission” of consciousness – even though consciousness is not really “transmitted” to a Student but awoken. One level of this is awakening a Students’ consciousness for a time: he becomes awake, he sees, witnesses, he is aware of himself as an expression of unification with the Absolute, but this lasts only for a certain time, a few minutes or hours, a few days at most. The other level is when a Master awakens inside a Student. This is a dangerous level of interfering with another’s manifestation, but it occurs with those who had progressed on the internal path to the level of being completely committed to progress and for whom it is practically impossible to regress into ordinary mechanical living. Some sub-levels include clearing the milder forms of karma, transforming parts of personality, breaking through a Student’s barriers, and the like. Receiving Shaktiipat is usually an ecstatic experience which you are witnessing, and this is the movement of prana in you, not a direct influence on your consciousness. In a direct influence on your consciousness, on you as an expression of Shaktii or Force, your consciousness is being raised on a certain level and the overflowing ecstasy of the vital and emotional minds happen only later – but you are not witnessing it because YOU ARE IT.
Moving further along the scheme of chakras (chakras being symbols of movement of consciousness) the depth increases and the experiences of energy moving practically cease. You have no experience, you are the highest experience and you clearly know it. You don’t need anyone to confirm it.
Now, since the title of the text is “Musings from a Spiritual Seat” my aim is not to explain the Effective Force of the Divine but to reflecton my “play” with her. Back in the day, and along with many others on the spiritual path, I had a craze, a burning wish for the mystical kundalinii Shaktii, and Shaktiipat by extension. In time, and as I started understanding what this is, how it works etc. this changed: fantasy, imagination, projections about this process and my over idealization of it have ceased. Then came the moment in which this process befell me and the mind interpreted it by a number of experiences, lies, fantasies. Luckily, I had already been prepared to reject such experiences as false, for this is what they are. The Mind interprets that which it likes thereby providing experiences according to its own likes. The highest experience is an experience in which there is no experience. But nobody, or should I say, most people don’t want this, do they? For, what is there to brag about if there is no experience? How do you compete with others in the number of shaktiipats received if you didn’t have an experience? But anyway, my so called “experience” is not the point of this story. The point is my play with it.
In the beginning I was light-handed in giving various experiences to people around me. To those who were “around” because of Work, of course, or because of a wish to learn something, to break some barrier. I never played with it outside of this circle. Sometimes it happened during initiation, sometimes after, or during some work we were doing, sometimes I would push someone in this state during a conversation so that he could experience it for himself. A few times I tried waking myself up inside someone. This is very strange and “waking up” in someone is the best term I have for it. I can’t and I won’t describe this process. I then realized what this does to the other person, how he reacts, what he feels and goes through: I was upgrading the speed of his evolution and, usually, those people would quickly run away from me. Luckily. I say “luckily” not because of any damage or misuse, but because they were not ready to go all the way. They wanted the icing, not the whole cake. I decided then that I won’t be doing this anymore, save when a man is completely committed to the process of Evolution, which is something that can’t be confirmed by mere words, no matter how much one glorifies himself and his commitment.
Ah yes, I forgot, I was taking you through the step-by-step process of my discarding all tendencies of helping anyone progress in their evolution by way of specific powers;by working instead of the seeker; by aiding them through energy; transmission of consciousness and the likes of it. This process took a few years of my personal learning, of confirming what I had already learned but was not applying right away, of my needing proof of what I had learned.
The next level I was trying out and observing its effects on students was removing the layers of personality, speeding up certain minds by adding a specific energy, slowing the minds down by taking away certain substances, influencing the nadis in a men, awakening the Awake state in them, amplifying the feeling of Existence or what you like to call the “I Am” state, and the like.
Here too I burned myself. For some people I would remove buffers in the midst of a conversation, in order for them to see contradictory parts of the teachings or of themselves, but only those buffers which wouldn’t drive them into a nut house when removed. They would be able to see levels which they were previously unable to understand, they would feel them, get a certain understanding. What I didn’t expect was that along with a certain understanding, or the removal of a buffer, the whole structure of mind ought to be changed – because the removal of buffers is in line with the balance of the minds, in line with the whole system and its entire evolution. When this is done artificially, by way of a yogic power, the part is removed but the wholeness of development remains untouched by it. It is only the underdeveloped part which is being influenced on – provided the whole had previously progressed. When removing a buffer in this way I noticed that a man understands something he did not understand before, he is able to see since the buffer isn’t in the way, but the whole had not progressed. It remains the same. Within this whole a disruption occurs: a part of man knows something while the whole (the whole of a man, not the whole of a Being) is oblivious to it. Luckily, to say it again, they would either leave me or I would leave them since there would be no possibility of further Work.
Next I tried taking off certain layers of personality, of which there are circa 49. All of them are connected with the cca. 49 worlds above us which are subtler than ours, but I didn’t know this at the time. When layers of personality are taken off a man is suddenly changed; his limitations are changed, he sees a much broader picture, he feels the change, he himself sees he is changed and others witness it too. The problem arises again with the whole, for the whole of the structure does not go through change. Also, the problem with price appears. You can never avoid paying the price. The problem with paying the price in any kind of influencing others by way of Force is that all of them think it was their own doing. On the outside they will tell you they know it has been brought about by an outside force, that their mind has been influenced by a certain “power” and that it was not their own accomplishment. But in the background their mind goes berserk. Personality goes berserk fantasizing that it was “ready for this change”, that it was its own accomplishment and the like. The party had started. The seeker is usually told about the price and of the manner in which he is to pay for it, of the effort he needs to exhort and the way in which he ought to approach all of this, but he simply nods his head – and the misuse of the level on which the operation took place is in progress. This almost always leads to leaving the Work, imagination of one’s own worth and accomplishment in practice, superiority, wild fantasy etc. The best part of all this is that he had been warned in time but wouldn’t heed the warning, wouldn’t pay the price. The whole madness behind this change had received a boost and now he falls down lower than he was before. After taking off a certain layer of personality another one comes to the foreground, making the personality stronger, more intelligent, and more capable; now it knows something, it is free from the limitations it used to have and is giving itself credit for their removal. It loses some common fears and ordinary limitations, starts feeling powerful and strong and the fall of this man had begun.
Everything I am describing, without giving out names, happened and can be confirmed, even the paying of price which is paid not only by certain people but by me too.
I then realized the mistake and said to myself I won’t be doing this anymore, I discarded it and stopped taking off layers of personality for others.
Next came boosting various minds as sub-minds of the main one, adding energy, speeding them up, relocating them from the lower aspects of minds to their higher aspects, or removing energy in order for this to happen. This was cool. For a moment, until I realized the same problem as with other types of influencing a seeker. They would enter higher aspects of minds, depending on the mind I was influencing, experienced effects of this upliftment of perception into other, higher parts of the minds. While they were in this state mechanisms of the lower parts of the minds would cease, energy would be enhanced as would be the feeling of wholeness, the feeling of spaciousness. Again, there was the price. No one is willing to pay the price. One of which is Humility.
This too I discarded and stopped doing. Then I started “boosting” Awakeness in people. I would push them into enhanced Awakeness, change their perception so they would be in this state or would simply act on the feeling of Constancy, Spaciousness, Stability, Balance etc. They found it cool, enjoyed it, some could feel my own feeling of Existence which frightened them, or would see that others are asleep – described as “everyone is dead”, “no one is alive” etc. – an effect of being in this state of consciousness. Yet, I never noticed any of them working with this afterwards, though they felt nice while I was the one pushing them in this state. Naturally, no one was willing to pay the price. Meanwhile, while I was “playing” with this, some Gurdjieffians came over and got a portion of it, after which they ran for their lives. They usually have intellectual but not the emotional guts (which they compensate with alcohol and in time become alcoholics) to go through what they like to talk about.
In those days there was a phenomena about me, the so called “emptiness” in the eyes. There is no emptiness, but it is perceived that way. Instead of the eyes one has the feeling of looking into the Universe so that one’s mind interprets it like there are no eyes, no pupils but a “hole”, a “black hole” of the Universe which is conscious, constant, existence liberated from all limitation and identification. This brought about some funny situations; some thought I was using makeup, applying eye liner; that it’s some trick I’m playing on people’s minds. Luckily, they ran away and continued their dream, some remained regretting, as they still do, that I didn’t continue pushing people into higher states of consciousness. This too I rejected as not useful and stopped doing it.
Next came giving people some forbidden techniques, so to say, the work with the Force or Shaktii. I fell for the pitiful gazes and gave it to some for whom I knew I ought not. Compassion was stronger than Wisdom. They had, of course, been warned. Only a few get to play with this Force and live to tell the tale. Now, since I hadn’t described what this is, or what it means, you can’t know precisely what I’m talking about. It is what some call “Bringing the Force down” or the real meaning of Shaktiipat. The Force is being brought down into a man in a way that he is able to GET IN CONTACT WITH HER ON HIS OWN at any time. The Force is being given to him, so to say, and often times his own arrogance, superiority, conceitedness cross the red line so he destroys himself in this process. But, by this time I already had enough experience with people to put a safety mechanism. I couldn’t protect them from their own madness though, but I was able to prevent the madness from escalating beyond a certain point. Even today, those who work with Her (the Force), don’t know about the nature of this limitation, for it had been set on the level of Time, i.e. the Law of Time. In other words, if all the ingredients, Substances are not there, especially the Substance of Consciousness, their contact with Force is limited by time, by the level of consciousness, by the level of usage and even by the degree of their trust toward the Force. Anyhow, there was a lot of interesting situations with this, some of them still occurring. The Force “left” some of them, She isn’t with them anymore but they still have a vital feeling, just like those who receive a “fake shaktiipath” or a play with their prana by their “gurus”. They feel as if She is still in them, they seem to play with Her but what they’re playing with is only a vital feeling which is in the mind, not in the Force. The contact with this Force happens OUTSIDE of the MIND. Yet the mind receives benefits of this contact, and if you hadn’t developed a well discriminating observer these benefits will pull you down. In black tantra one is never given such “control” over Force, rather, the Force is imprinted in them, which is done by many on the occult-magical path with rituals, mantras or decision. But she doesn’t remain and the recipient is unable to get in contact with her afterwards. Of course, it’s not the same Force I’m talking about here but Her lower, astral aspect. The Force I’m talking about comes from the Mental level (mental body), not to be confused with the intellect but the world above astral, and if a person is unable to maintain himself in this world She can’t be brought down into him.
This works best with those who are in the Awake state.
What She does is not your concern in this moment, but She bestows terrible powers to the one who KNOWS HOW TO USE HER. She is the Effective Force of the Absolute manifested on the level of Mental, the Sun, which is the level of Awakeness in Man. The rest is not important. Many talk of Her but only a few I have met are able to “master” Her. I say it in quotation marks for the control of this Force is not possible, it is more about a certain “trick”.
This I did not discontinue, but I became wiser; I am not handing it lightly anymore but am giving it only to specific people and in a limited form, and as they progress I explain the parts they are unable to know until they are pointed out to them. I can tell you that the Knowledge of this Force is given publicly but no one recognizes it, even I myself had wrote about it in an almost straightforward way, but no one had recognized it and thus it remains secret.
Getting back to the part of waking up in a man, to that level of working with the Force. This is an interesting part and it is given to mankind in its lower level. I won’t be telling you what it’s about, of course. From what I see everyone keeps parroting this, regardless of the teaching they are a part of, for all teachings, even religions, talk about it. But you don’t understand what it’s about. LUCKILY. Yet, there are safety measures in it.
When you “wake up” in another man his personality and mind shut down. He either falls into trance or into a terribly awake state in which he doesn’t see himself as himself, as a person, he feels the awake state but cannot remember it once he gets out of it. He knows he was in something but doesn’t know what that was; he feels the benefits in the form of enhanced energy, understanding, knowledge, abilities but can’t know how they came about; mechanicalness and limitations which he had cease for a time, while knowledge, consciousness and abilities are present – though they don’t linger for long after the experience. He knows that there is something he is unable to recall, he knows just how powerful, encompassing, penetrating it is; he knows that he is beyond limitation – but doesn’t know HOW to re-enter it. Of course he doesn’t, because it wasn’t his effort. Yet, when the moment comes for a minute or two, by way of his effort, he recognizes it and yearns for it afterwards, wants it, but until the personality is cleared from the background motives, obstacles and limitations he cannot remain in this state, nor can he “acquire” it.
There are other ways I haven’t described since they ought not to be described; the way they work, how they are transmitted etc. But there is one way which is safe for you. OPEN UP TO YOUR MASTER’S INFLUENCE, COMPLETELY. Then you will be PUSHED INTO THIS STATE on your own. You will be filled with strength, force, stability, love, pervasiveness, knowledge, awakeness – the more you open up, give yourself, pay less attention to yourself as a person, as a limited, separated being. If you have the GUTS – for this takes greater guts than opening up to Master’s influence by way of Force or Shaktii – you will be simply carried into these states, you will have Mercy. The word “mercy” is a bit strange and fairly misused around us. But another time on “mercy”, for it’s not what you think. This state comes from pure consciousness, awake consciousness, not out of your imitation of openness, humility and the like.
Those who work make mistakes. The point is to pay for them and NEVER MAKE THEM AGAIN. Do it once but don’t repeat it. This is what Christian repentance or Metanoia is, it is evolution. The price must be paid, but the Universe, and its effective Force, is not the judge and jury. She doesn’t judge you in the way many of you think. Often She forgives (to use this term, without getting into it at the moment) provided that you had changed. If you had understood the foolishness you have been doing, if you have been doing them with pure intentions – if you have all other elements of conscientiousness, not just THINK THAT YOU DO but really have them – then She “turns a blind eye”, smiles at the child, forgives. That’s why I say LUCKILY only a few master this, those who are ETERNAL STUDENTS, not masters. Some of you will understand this. Usually, we are all warned in time, yet few of us are willing to pay the price. And the price can be anything.
A student, an authentic student is not afraid to pay the price. In fact, he yearns to pay it. Then he understands, laughs at the whole game.
Here I have described some bits without describing the way, HOW it is done. Those who have these “secrets” understand what I have said, they have witnessed it a number of times and are now witnessing what they themselves can do. Price is always to be paid, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing. A man who knows this, who “got” this is aware of the price and doesn’t fool around nor misuses it. The rest… the rest have lost contact with those levels or have transformed them. The ones who lost them always have the possibility of coming back, but in that case “attaining” them is harder for the price must be paid. From what I see, they all got what they wanted. Some got even more. But how many are prepared to pay the price?
There had been a lot more strange situations; people’s perceptions changed even when I didn’t want to do it but the Force was doing it through me. The price I had to accept was not pleasant; I still don’t find it pleasant. I will not tell you what it is. It is a mix of compassion and wisdom and it’s never easy to accept, no matter how much you understand what it’s all about. A part of you is human, the other part is not. The human part in you accepts the price with difficulty, although it understands the need for it, and would gladly take it out of the picture if it could. But compassion is not mercy, nor is it wisdom. If compassion stands alone, without mercy and wisdom, you suffer. If it is joined with them, you understand.
So much for that. I hope you liked reading these musings and that you have learned something. Have you?