(Misconceptions of the path, of the teaching, of your purpose)
Many, as they set off on the Path, retain their sentimental dreams; they have dreams of what spirituality is supposed to be, dreams of where it should lead and in what manner. That’s insanity. That’s what any serious person would call a “spiritual crap”, a “spiritual swamp”. Sentimentality has no place in spirituality. That is self-deception, deviation from the Path, the insanity with an overdue interest. Sooner or later that interest will be collected. Spirituality is not an organization of spiritual ideas, it’s not the support for the sleeping vital (emotions), it’s not a concept or an idea to which you hold on, because you have nothing else to hold or because you’re not capable of accomplishment in the world. Therefore you enter spirituality as if it’s an imaginary projection in which every lunatic can act successful and accomplished. If you want to be spiritual, don’t. It’s all crap. To be something suggests that you have an image of it, that you have hope, that you wish to succeed. Spirituality is not the meaning that you provide for yourself. Spirituality is a razor-sharp discrimination, a clear moving towards the Awakening, a sword that cuts through all obsessions, fears, attachments. If your spirituality has none of these, you are deluding yourself. If it is filled with your wonderful dreams of joining together, with sentimental attachments, fulfillments of the “heart” (emotions), then you have gone astray. And every path you go astray from leads to the abyss. Spirituality is just another name for something that very few individuals do on this planet. Your spirituality is a concept used for hiding, a concept for running away from yourself, your inability to succeed, flawed creating. It’s a dream of an insufficiently loved brat, a projection of an unloved woman, a dream of a man who wants success, but is unable to make it in the so-called material world. That’s the spirituality of which there is so much talk around us.
The goal is to wake up, to awaken, to be a conscious being, to discard all that binds you, and not to create concepts of gods, not to create prayers, mantras, ideas that chain you more than the world you’re in. Concepts and Ideas in the Work don’t serve anything else but to calibrate the instrument of perception, to direct it, to give it sharpness, to make it penetrative and nothing more. All Ideas of the Work as well as its Concepts, all Sacred Scriptures etc. don’t have any value but to calibrate the instrument for progressing towards Self. If those means, along with your perception, become an end in itself, you are in a perfect prison, the one from which it’s almost impossible to escape.
Destroy the old man by using a Concept and an Idea. Demolish the prison that you have unconsciously created, being programmed by others. And then discard that Concept and Idea as well. They are useless. Their only aim is to direct a perception in a specific way. The Awaken man is unique. An individual in the real sense of the word. Undivided in duality (in divi duus). Individuality doesn’t exist in a dream. In a dream you are a copy. Maybe you have a so-called speciality, a specialty of a certain copy, but you are a copy. Individuality exists only when you realize that which is your Nature, that which is behind every copy-paste option. The Work requires daring, and I say this only in a lack of a better word. Daring is simply saying “I have nothing and I’m going towards that abyss I have been running from all of my life”. Daring is simply saying “that’s enough”. But it’s not courage as it has been interpreted it in this world. It’s not a characteristic to which you will attach for and become “daring”. It’s simply moving along with the clarity that it has been ENOUGH, enough of that which you had been up until now. You were a coward, because you have accepted all you had been told as the truth. You were a somnambulist, because you were moving through a dream like a sleepwalker. You were a miserable wretch, because you suffered for an illusion. A dramatist, for you made a drama out of everything. An actor, for you were theatrically showing that which the world wanted from you. You had a million and one role, because you did not dare to be yourself. For you don’t know how to be yourself. Do you still want to be that?
Will the awakening bring along some diseases, disasters? Possibly and very likely. So what?
If you are afraid of that, then go to a healer, go to the ones who work with creative affirmations, who believe in the stories about gods, pray to them, but don’t go into something which serves to AWAKEN you. It’s not for you. If you need self-protection, security, a concept in which you’ll wrap yourself in like in a cellophane, then follow verified teachers, the concepts they gave, do mantras, summon spirits and entities, believe in what the “gurus” say, repeat the words of spiritual somnambulists, quote Louise Hay and other new age “hays”, but do not go into the process of Awakening.
It will kill you.
For it is made to kill. That’s its purpose and the only goal.
It will kill you completely. It will kill your dreams, your emotions, your wonderful memories, your meanings, attachments, a sense of purpose in this world, relations, friendships, sexual relationships. It will kill it, blow it away and there will be nothing left of you. And when there is nothing left, then you, MIGHT, be born again. You will become an Individual. One as a manifestation, as the expression of the Unexpressed, of the Unmanifested. Oh yes, it doesn’t mean you’ll be a plant. Indeed, you will be a flower which blossoms, which blooms for a short while, yet intensively, and disappears. It never appears again. Your idea of unification is not real. It’s a sentimental dream of a child who didn’t get the love from his close ones, a dream of a partner who wants to be lost in a painful twitch of an orgasm. That’s not the Unification, that’s not the Awakening. It is a lie. The lie that came from the ones who, just like you, wanted a pleasant twitch in the moment of an orgasm, from the ones who hadn’t been loved and accepted by their mothers and fathers. That’s the man in the spirituality around as.
The Unification, the Awakening – that is death. A destruction, a complete dissolution, disappearing, dying out. There will be nothing left of you, of your family, of your wonderful sons and daughters. Certainly, you will see them, if you have them, with the real eyes. Not with the eyes of a sentimental mother or a father. You will see acting, death, bones behind the skin you love, but also an ESSENCE, that which is not what was born in that body. You will love, but you won’t keep the Universe within these beings from manifesting itself, whether it be destruction or creativity. No one will miss you, nor will anyone care for you. Least of all some God, or Universe.
You don’t want awakening. You only want a dream – comfortable, sentimental, somnambulistic dream and nothing more.
If you believe in love, in relationships, friendships, spiritual leaders, gurus, spirituality, unification with god, creative expression – beautiful. Keep on dreaming. That’s not Awakening. That’s not being Awakened. It is not Work on Oneself. If you don’t have any joy while destroying every aspect of a so-called “humanity” then you’re not for this. I don’t speak about masochistic kind of joy. Play, cultivate relationships, believe in friendships, but carry the seed of destruction within you until it matures. And when it matures, move towards it without reservation.
If you see kirtan as a devotional song by which you talk to god, but not an ordinary everyday music or the music to which you and common people usually have a resistance – you’re a fraud. Nothing more than that. If you see meditation as doing mantras and focusing towards fictional god, but not the crowd in the market, a policeman who writes you a ticket, then you’re a fraud. You are lying to yourself and to your fake guru. You long for an imagination, not for the Awakening. Not for the state of being Fully Awake.
Being Awakened is the Truth of oneself. But not the imaginary truth of you and your life. A devastating fact is that you are no one, that you are nobody, that you are something which never manifests in this body, for it has nothing to do with your will, your desire, your sense and nonsense. It’s a fact that throws the truth into your face, the truth that your emotions don’t mean anything, that your conceptual veracities don’t have any connection to reality, that your meanings are meaningless, that your worthiness doesn’t exist and that you have made it up. And if you’re not relaxed in this knowing, if you’re not smiling, if you’re not joyful, if you don’t give a damn about the most painful, then you’re not on this path, but on the path of self-deception.
The Awakening requires you to examine everything. To destroy every concept you have, every belief, every idea. If you have a Teaching, than this too is its purpose, but it’s leading you towards it gradually. Concept and Idea of the Teaching are nothing more than convincing a child that it won’t die, that it’s immortal, until it is ready to hear the truth that one day it will disappear, that it never even existed, that all it has isn’t its own and that it will all die with it. If you found a sense of purpose in spirituality, then you have lied to yourself. If you’re finding security in it, you’re lying to yourself. If you’re finding an emotional excitement, you are lying to yourself. It’s a lower level from the one which you call the Awakening or being Awakened. It is where the ones who are not ready dwell, the ones who don’t have the guts to go further.
Many enter this hoping to have a beautiful marriage, to achieve purpose on earth, to fulfill their dreams, to become somebody and something, to mature emotionally according to what they consider maturing to be. Ok. Wonderful. You’re lying to yourself. Keep it up.
You won’t have a beautiful marriage. Your wife will worship you but you won’t give a #@^%, your husband will worship you but you won’t give a flying @!#^&*. You will receive worship from everyone, but you will rather choose a coffee in solitude over hanging out with them. You will not be excited about success. A new car will keep you interested for a few minutes, nice boobs will be nice until they disappear behind the corner, good-looking guy will look good until he crosses the street. Talking with friends will be as interesting as a boring movie on television. Beautiful people will attract you as much as dog poop in the street. Oh yes and you will be VERY selfish, so selfish that you will no longer see anything but YOURSELF (and this is not the selfishness that you know). Sex will be interesting until the one who’s jumping on you or the one who’s sticking it into you finishes, so that you can sleep peacefully. Is that what you’re looking for???
If that’s what you’re looking for, then this is it. It is moving towards awakening, it is where you will end up in a few years – maybe with a damaged heart, bones, spondylosis, without a leg, with cancer. And if you manage to purify yourself before the Awakening, maybe it won’t be as terrifying as with many others. But, will you care for it?
Yes and no. Yes, as much as you need to get rid of the pain, so it doesn’t disturb you too much. No, because you won’t care even for that. You will be able to cure yourself, but there won’t be anyone within you interested in that. Simply, if you’ve got rid of everything that I have mentioned, WHO would care???? And FOR WHAT???
And why do you think Shiva is a “god” in Tantra? Why is Kalii a “goddess” in Tantra? Because they are telling you what you’ll become, what will be destroyed within you etc. The ideas you have about them are somnambulistic (a wonderful word). Maybe you are summoning an entity named “kali”, but it is not Kalii that I speak about, it is not Shiva that I speak about. That which I am speaking about is your Nature which manifests in a moment when you realize what you are, the Nature which destroys everything that doesn’t belong to it.
So much for that.
There is so much more, but for what?
Good luck with the Work or with your further self-deception.