We are imprisoned by our belief system. There are two parts of this system; one believes, the other does not, and the two of them are waging a fierce battle for supremacy. In our process of maturation, of growing up, we aim to become affirmative, we wish for the prevalence of the system which is to our advantage; one in which everything is in accordance with “Gods Will”, the “Will of the Highest”, since this would mean, we were told, a better position in life, a better position regarding others, the world, illnesses, misfortunes, etc. Beliefs are constructed in relation to the negative and the positive, while all of this is related to happiness and unhappiness, to the good and bad. In regard to both raising of and the expansion of consciousness negative beliefs (convictions, attitudes, ideas, concepts) must be transformed into higher beliefs, into the so called positive or affirmative beliefs. Provided that “positive” means affirmative, not “emotionally positive” as has been wrongly explained and interpreted in spirituality. The affirmative is a bigger picture, one that is wider, higher, a better connected one. This affirmative, the so called “positive”, is what we would call divine; where the reality of life is not seen as negative or negating (in the human sense).
But this too is yet another belief, yet another conviction, another attitude, an idea, a concept which makes sense to most people and is accepted at face value, but others who dived deep into themselves found it to be just another lie, another mask. In this new illusion, the one who is being affirmative is not Liberated, rather, he is enslaved by that which is higher, more “meaningful”, better.
In relation to the Awaking that is within a Dream, being affirmative would be connecting with the Divine Purpose, with His Will, but with the manifested, universal part of it – a step in the process. Liberation has nothing to do with this. Being Awake is to be awake within a dream, knowing it is a dream, an illusion, a collection of meanings that we ourselves provided, and many who are on a spiritual path think that this is the goal, the final destination. This is just a stepping stone. A step on which raw consciousness is being transformed into a more subtle consciousness. But it’s not Full Awakening, it’s not Liberation.
To be Liberated, Fully Awakened, means recognizing all of these extremes as a Dream, as an illusion that we believe in, an illusion which constitutes a person. An “I” that is Awake is free from the dream, but it itself is still a dream. The Real I, the Awake I is consciousness in which you clearly perceive how that which is observing, that which is awake, that which is detached, separated, is not of the dream, that it comes from a higher reality. It is separated from the moving processes and the Divine, the Higher is “descending” through it. It is still within the dream but it is not influenced by the dream, it is awake. It is still a separate self, a separate reality and it can come into union, into a feeling of being One with everything, able to enter into a unified field of unified consciousness – a field in which one starts perceiving that the feeling of I, the feeling of existence, of being, is in no way different than anyone else’s feeling of I, that it is one and the same consciousness, one and the same feeling. Entering the field of unified consciousness confirms this in a higher, a deeper way. One realizes the oneness of the observer, the object of observation and the process of observing. One realizes that those three points are essentialy the same, that they are a part of the same process of consciousness. This is the evolution of Awakeness, of the Awake state, of the Real I. But all of this is still manifestation, and due to this, it’s still a dream. Within this dream, you are aware of the oneness, you are free from the process of identification, you can easiliy get into a higher state, you are a master of yourself. This is the so called “Awakening of Agja” – I am That. You are the same as you were before. You are noticing the One, you are aware of the One. You are this One. And this is the trap many fall into, they cease to go on thinking this is Liberation.
Full Awakening is OUTSIDE all of this. It is realizing that this One is one and the same as the Dream. The I Am, the feeling of existence, is still a Dream. One with a better position, a higher state, with being a master, with better connectedness, but no more than a dream. Being Awakened means realizing that you never were in a dream. It means realizing that there is no such thing as a “person”, that a person “exists” only as something that is being imagined, as a dream. Even a person who is awake is but imaginary, a dream. The feeling of “I”, the feeling of Existence, of I Am, I am That – all of this is but a dream. A better one than the dream of identification, yet a dream nevertheless. In this dream you are awake, the system of processes has no influence over you, you are separated from it, you are a master of yourself (a Swami), you are One with the Divine, but still you are in a Dream. The one who is in a dream needs to wake up, or needs to die as a person.
Awakening means realizing that, although you are awake, you are still a person, you are still an “I” which is in a dream. It means realizing that even this feeling of “I” is an obstacle, one created by the basic activity of the gunas where sattva guna provides the feeling of “I”. In the eyes of spiritual people you will be considered a Sattvic person. But in the eyes of the Liberated ones, the Real Beings, you are still in a dream. Awake within it, but still in it. Being Awakened means realizing that even the most wonderful dream is only a dream, and nothing more. A person who is Awake is still a dream and no more than that; she is but a concept, a limitation. There is no such thing as an “I”, there is no such thing as a person, the universe is just a dream of Brahma and nothing more, while we are the product of his dream. We are players, perhaps awake, within the dream he is dreaming.
To be Awakened – to be outside of the dream. In this state there is no person, no “I”, no god’s will, no higher states, no chakras, shaktii, kundalinii, there are no mystical states of union, etc. There is no idea of spirituality, no idea of progress, or of heaven and hell, there is no you, there is no me etc. Good and bad are dream-concepts. Awakeness and Dream – new dream-concepts. But one is barred from this state by one’s own fear of fading, of disappearing, of ceasing to exist. This is why it is said that, although many speak of awakening, what they really want is their idea of it, the idea of what it means to be “awakened”. And while this idea is similar to the state of being Awake, of being a Master, it has nothing to do with the state of being (Fully) Awakened. Being Awakened means discarding everything, discarding even the idea of awakening itself. Because that which wants to be awakened is not that which is awakened when awakening happens. The one who wanted to be awakened is not the one who is awakened, but had died, disappeared, ceased to exist. This is why it is said that Full Awakening is self-destruction par excellence. Although, it’s not the same form of aggression as in the human notion of self-destruction. It is the destruction of the person, of the “I”, of purpose, of the (manifested) Divine. Nirvana literally means “dying out”, “to be extinguished”, and “final oblivion” if I may add. There is no “one” who had longed after anything, there is no-one who had ever existed, there is no-one who had evolution, nor a one who is awakened- there is no-one and nothing except THAT. And “THAT” can’t be explained or illustrated with the aid of imagination. That is why “THAT” had never been explained and why this word (“That”) is used to denote it.
To Fully Awaken is to QUESTION the reality of everything one believes in, question the reality of everything that one hopes for, of everything one expects. It means to discard all of that. To stay Alone, defenseless. Constant, right up until constancy exists, until existence itself is not being questioned and discarded as the final illusion giving us a meaning, a purpose. This is why I say, and why it has been said: NOBODY wants to be AWAKENED. Nobody is that which has this wish and disappears in it, so that there is nothing left of the one who wanted to awaken. For, that which is Awakened is not that which wants awakening, that which dreams of it, hopes for it. Every notion, every idea or a concept that you have regarding this State is a dream and nothing more. It is an idea, a concept, a notion, an attitude, a thought with an emotional meaning, but not the awakened state itself. If you want to be awakened, just like Nisargadatta, Ramana or whomever, that wish is simply a dream in which you gave meaning, significance to something that does not exist for the one dreaming it.
Becoming Awakened is getting out of bed and realizing you have been dreaming a person, a life, a god, meaning, meaninglessness, progress, spirituality etc. It is seeing the dream for a dream that it is and discarding it, discarding the person as a dream, the meaning as a dream. That is not spiritual, it’s not esoteric nor religious, is not divine, not a soul, not a being. THAT is NOT. And when (IT is) “not”, there is no question of “what (IT) is”. While you are discarding everything which is not, that which could pose the question of “what is” gets discarded also. As soon as there is a questionv – it is not the discarding of “not”. Now, I have no intention of describing what all of this looks like, for it is what you would call “madness”, chaos. The only description I might give is that of the moment before an atom splits. The moment preceding a nuclear explosion. A Vibrating that will never come to an end, because it had never even started.
-Translated by Shaambhavii-