Questioning the reality of “I” or “Self”

After you reach a certain level, or a dimension within, there comes a moment when you stop caring about both the cause and the effect. An effect is simply that which stands in front of you, or within you. You realize that you can spend your whole life seeking causes, seeking the origin of internal consequences; you realize that there are thousands of causes depending on which general attitude or belief you are using at the time, and consequently, depending on beliefs about yourself and your own processes. You then ask yourself whether you are trying to graduate from Invisible Causality College, or maybe get a Ph.D. in Understanding Causes? It’s when you see the devil, quite literally. Mr. Devil is you yourself. He is the one who wants a Ph.D. in Causality, who wants methods for liberating from causality, methods for liberating the devil from himself. You realize that it is you-devil who had convinced you that you must do all of this, and he did it trying to safeguard his own position and conquer all that is to conquer. You will see the true, the one and only cause of all causes. OK, this can also be divided into several levels, but it is the true and the one and only cause. 

It is You.

That person you think you are, plus all its projections. Now, seek the cause of this person, this you, this devil or demon that you are. If you have the guts, strength and determination to follow it to the very beginning, to the origin of it all, you will find out something interesting. He, devil, you, DON’T EXIST.

This is the source of endless debate because many who speak of this aren’t able to explain what it’s all about, nor to answer a thousand and one questions posed by those who hear it for the first time and can’t wrap their minds around it, like “how come I don’t exist”?

This is a very specific method of The Work so it is natural that most people don’t know what it points at and what the “I don’t exist” means. The solution is always the same. Self-realization. Many will say that the moment of self-realization is the moment you see that you are not real. But that’s not self-realization, that is Awakeness. It’s when you no longer consider yourself or your processes to be real, because they aren’t. They are imagination, fantasy, conjectures, beliefs, concepts, ideas, etc.

I can tell you what remains when you see this, but I won’t, because you would only create another concept of it, another projection, and your goal is to discard all projections. I can tell you EXACTLY what “no-self” means, what “no-you”, “no-me” mean. But I don’t want to. It’s a lot more valuable if you understand it yourself, if you confront the emptiness of self, the non-existence of self, I might say. I’m not talking about the all-enlightened-spiritual emptiness of the neo spirituality. They are obviously clueless about these things or else there would be no spirituality or religion since there would be no one to be spiritual or religious, and there would be nothing in relation to which one might be spiritual or religious. This is about existence, being, not some imaginary spirituality or religion.

This is the emptiness everyone fears. Not that mystical one but this non-mystical one, the real emptiness, so to say. 

Yet, while dying, this mystical no-self, or false self or false I, or however you want to call it, comes up with some very sly defense mechanisms. Everyone falls for the slyness of “no-I”, at least once in theory and many times in practice. One of its slyness is this search for causes. In this way “he”, the invisible one you think is you, this “alien” in your body is simply trying to hold onto his conquered territory. And when you poke at it, all hell breaks loose: all kinds of projections, both mental and emotional get triggered, especially one of them:

Fear. Fear maintains itself precisely on the projection of “emptiness”, i.e. on the fear that you don’t exist.

The same thing can be seen regarding the process we call dying. We have created myriad theories because of this process, from heaven and hell, incarnation and reincarnation, past-life causes and current-life effects, God and the Devil, all the way to I and no-I. We have so many cosmologies, explanations of Brahman and his creation, leading up to transformation and transcendence when “we”, who are non-existent, will become enlightened, or transformed beyond all recognition; when we will be that which the unreal in this body wants to be. 

Death is very dangerous for your unreal “I”. We all fear death. But then, we see that fear is totally unrelated to anything, that it merely projects a person, an “I” and all other craziness every decent spiritual or religious person believes in. This is the death of spirituality and faith (religion), the death of god and devil too.

We don’t want to awaken. We want to dream an awakened dream.

Even Awakeness points to what I’m talking about. When you find the REAL CAUSE – the belief in lies and imagination – that doesn’t mean the process is over. That is only the beginning of the process or “dying”. You are in for a rough and messy fight with none other than your-self, whom you believe exists.

All teachings say the same thing: “Only God exists”; “All of this is Brahman”, “Emptiness is the only Truth”; “Only Truth Exists”; etc.

Well, my dear imaginary ladies and gents – All of it is a lie.

Why? You’ll see at the end of the text. Seeking the answer to that “why” is also a lie. If you believe in this invisible within you, whom you think you are, he will survive and there will be no way out. All of it is just a story, like a story of you is just a story of you, nothing more. A fairy tale, a trap, a fallacy, a lie, a mirage, a false game of cause and effectness or effect and causeness, etc.

You need to kill every Buddha you meet on the road. Or, to translate into more familiar terms since Buddha doesn’t seem quite so real to us westerners – you need to kill each God you meet, the one you pray to, to whom you plead for your life, or perhaps for your imaginary soul. I could insert a really nice buffer here, one many of those who had gone all the way use, but I won’t.

The whole thing is quite simple, yet hard to believe. All of this is within you, you are the one maintaining it all because you think it’s you. This is the trap or Mr. Belzebub, Lucifer, the Devil, or however you call yourself. This is the trap of YOU. Before you start proving or seeking the cause of anything, first investigate whether the one you think “you” are is real!!!

Until you investigate it and prove it, every single cause you seek will turn out to be real, possible, viable, since it will hinge upon that “you”.

Are YOU real?

Is the “I” which creates causes and effects, real?

You will need instructions for this, of course, but you already have plenty. No matter which instruction you choose they all lead to the same end. Because there is only one path. Any other path is a lie.

The real is only that which never changes, which does not appear and disappear, which is always the same, always true and unable to be false, always existent; everything else hinges on it making in unchangeable; it sees and knows everything yet it can’t see itself, can’t know itself, etc.

A word to the wise is enough.

The unreal is that which is in constant flux, changes positions, appears and disappears; that which is one thing and then becomes another, which hinges upon something in order to exist, does not see and does not know, keeps changing what it said or felt, etc. In other words, all that you know, because you don’t know the Truth. You will never know the Truth but you will use it to cut through everything which is not of Truth.

Everything you see, hear, sense, touch, smell, taste, think, feel; each of your beliefs, attitudes, concepts, ideas, etc.; everything you perceive – is changeable, THEREFORE, NOT REAL.

There’s just one problem: the lack of guts to question your own reality. Fear. No teaching can help you with this. What the teaching can do, though, is to help you grow some guts so that one day, twenty or thirty years later, your guts do what needs to be done. At the end of the day, guts aren’t real either and you will discard them too because the tool you use must destroy itself in the end.

There is no cause. There is only lie seeking the cause in order to maintain itself. And when I say “lie” I mean the “I”, “self”, “mine”, “yours”, “ours”, etc. In the end you will see or realize that it wasn’t you who had started this whole process of liberation, the process of recognizing and discriminating the Truth from the lie. Because you cannot discard, destroy or un-self yourself. It is Truth that destroys all of that in the end.

The search for the final and the one and only cause can start anywhere, and a simple approach is always better than a complicated one. It starts with a simple question: “Am I (is this thing in front of, or inside me) real (True)?” 

Is this true (real)? – this thing I am perceiving, whether it is a thought, an emotion, a belief, etc.

Ask yourself this while bearing in mind the difference between the Real and the Unreal because you need a point of reference. You can use this, or any other question which leads the same way.

All you need is to remain with this question within whatever is appearing. Remain present, aware, with the question, and let it reveal on its own, let the question disappear on its own.

This is the fastest method of awakening. You don’t even need any other instruction to do it, because as soon as you start mentally analyzing, questioning, trying to find what’s real by meddling with your projection, you have left the process and are back to the illusion of yourself, back to the illusion within you.

All that you need is the sword of Judgment, i.e. Discrimination, and the fire to push to the end. Nothing else. In terms of awakening, this is one of the fastest methods. Even if you get an answer, that answer is a fallacy. It is something which appears, doesn’t it? Can truth be something which appears? No. Next!

Is the thing providing the answer true? Since when does the truth speak? The truth doesn’t speak, it IS the Truth and has no need of its own Gospel of truth. Maybe some higher “I” of yours speaks, or some memory, some fear, but not the truth. Therefore, it isn’t true either, etc. 

Prepare a lot of paper, notebooks, journals, diaries, and pens. It is best to begin your self-questioning by writing your question down. Write down all your conclusions and if that conclusion is about something external ask yourself again: Is this true? If the conclusion is about you or about something within you, ask: Is this (I, thought, emotion, process) Real? Is the one who said it Real? Etc. If something appears, disappears, talks, concludes, analyzes, if it tries to convince you of something etc., IT IS NOT TRUE. Remember, the TRUTH has no need to convince you that it is True. Only your personal demon, one bearing your name, has. 

Remember that aiming for Full Awakening is not transformation. And anyway, even transformation – unless it came intentionally after awakening – is a means of evading the Truth. To put it mildly, it is a projection which relies on what you think, and all of that is imaginary until you prove it, until you prove that you are. This is the process of Liberation, of Full Awakening. It’s not a process of transformation. It’s a process in which you obliterate everything.

LITERALLY EVERYTHING!

Even yourself.

Now it’s time for a disclaimer so I won’t get hate mail or lawsuits for destroying your personal lives and the lives of all your intestinal worms.

I do not advise you to do this on your own. Any and all consequences that might otherwise ensue have nothing to do with me or with what I just wrote. All known and unknown diseases might follow. Even the universe itself might crash down and cease to support you. I know this will happen, so if you like the Universe, gratitude, love, god, and other animal forms, (my apologies to actual animals) please refrain from doing this. Enjoy your dream. Do not wake up. Take this as a fun text and go back to your dreams about the universe, god, devil, cause, waking and full awakening, work on yourself, and to that most important of all dreams – the dream about yourself.

Enjoy the process, the adventure, or not, if you don’t feel like it, for you aren’t real (unless you prove otherwise, which you won’t.)

Bhaerava